Jost na Abdal walikuwa wakifanya kazi

Jost na Abdal walikuwa wakifanya kazi ofisi moja wakiwa na bosi wao wa kiume ambae kila siku alikuwa anawahi kuondoka ofisini. siku moja majamaa wakapanga  bosi akiondoka tu na wao wafunge ofisi.
Abidal akafurahi kutoka mapema siku hiyo na kupitiliza moja kwa moja bar kupata ulaji, Sasa Jost ile kutoka tu akarudi hom fastaa ili akamsuprise mkewe, ile kufika tu akasikia sauti za ajabu chumbani kwake..akanyata taratiibu hadi mlangoni, taratiiibu akafungua mlango ili asisikike, ile mlango kufunguka akamuona bosi wake na mkewe kitandani wanafanya vitu vyao..akaurudishia mlango na kuondoka.
Kesho yake ofisini Abidal akawa anataka waondoke tena mapema kama jana, ..Jost akajibu..."ah kudadeki nenda wenyewe, me jana bosi bado kidogo tu anidake"

NIACHENI KAMA NILIVYO HAYA NDIO MAISHA YANGU

Kuna jamaa alipata ajali
mbaya sana kwa bahati nzuri
hakufa sema bajaji ilimbana
kwenye mti na kumfanya
azimie.Watu walikuwa
wanapita bila kumpa msaada
unajua kilichomponza ni nini?
Kwenye bajaji yake kwa nyuma
aliandika hivi "NIACHENI
KAMA NILIVYO HAYA NDIO
MAISHA YANGU"

Wavuta bangi wawili

Wavuta bangi wawili walikuwa wanaangua embe sasa baada ya kurusha mawe mengi bila ya mafanikio, mmoja wao akasema ngoja niende nikaliangalie isije ikawa embe lenyewe ni bichi basi akapanda juu ya mti kisha akalicheki afu akashuka chini akamwambia mwenzake, nimelibonyeza limeiva mwanangu kwa hiyo tuendelee kuliangua

Kizungu ni noma duh!

Kizungu ni noma duh!.. Jamaa katumiwa msg na demu wake kutokana na urefu wa msg ikashindwa kufika yote mwishon ikaandika "some text missing" jamaa kizungu hajui hvyo maneno ya mwisho hakuyaelewa maana yake lakin akahc litakua neno la kimahaba, kusudi aonekane mjanja akajibu "some text missing too dear"

There are 50 bricks on an airoplane

Boss: There are 50 bricks on an
airoplane. If u drop 1 outside. How
many are left? Employee : That's easy,
49.Boss : What are the three steps to
put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the
elephant in. Close the fridgeBoss :
What are the four steps to put a deer
into the fridge? Employee : Open the
fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the
deer in. Close the fridge.Boss : It's
lion's birthday, all animals are there
except one, why? Employee : Because
the deer is in the fridge.Boss : How
does an old woman cross a swamp
filled with crocodiles? Employee : She
just crosses it because the crocodiles
are at the lion's birthdayBoss : Last
question. ………. In the end the old lady
still died. Why? Employee : Er....I guess
she drowned?Boss : No! She was hit
by the brick fallen from the airoplane.
…

Oscar alikuwa na mke wa rafiki yake gest,

Oscar alikuwa na mke wa rafiki yake gest,
ghafla simu ya huyo mwanamke ikaita.

mwanamke: Haloo , ok, sawa, alaaaa , ok have a
nice time jamani msalimie mwambie na mimi
mnitoe out siku moja. Ok sweety, miss you.
Oscar:Nani huyo?
Mwanamke:Mume wangu huyo, ananambia yuko
na wewe Morogoro mmeamua kulala huko leo.

mlevi alikuwa anatembea

mlevi alikuwa anatembea akaangukia kwenye pipa la takataka, makalio yakabaki juu na huku suruali imemshuka, baada ya muda akapita kicha alipoyaona yale makalio akaenda kuyashika, akaondoka akisikitika huku anasema kweli huu mtaa wa matajiri, matako mazima kabisa yametubwa kwenye takataka.

mpumbavu mkubwa wewe

mlevi alimuamsha mkewe usiku ampeleke chooni, mkewe akakataa mlevi ikambidi aende mwenyewe alivyo rudi akamwambia mkewe choo umekiwekea marembo na wewe mwanamke kwa kupenda vitu vya kisasa,
mkewe akamuuliza gani umeona mpaka wasema hivyo?
mlevi: akasema nilivyo ingia chooni taa iliwaka yenyewe na nilivyotoka tu taa ikajizima
mkewe:mpumbavu mkubwa wewe ushalikojolea friji langu

I don’t want to catch that crap AGAIN!!!"

Guy had sex with a girl without a condom
and the girl didn't really notice, after they were
done...
Girl : "Did u use a condom???"
Guy: "No.."

Girl: "Oooh, God, do u have AIDS???"
Guy: "No baby, i just checked last week..."

Girl: “Thank God , I don’t want to catch that crap
AGAIN!!!"

Abdalh alimwona mrembo

Abdalh  alimwona mrembo akitaka kujirusha mtoni alikua kavaa vizuri, miniskirt ndogo kweli. Abdalh
akamwambia, kabla hajajiua, ampe busu akapewa busu
mdomoni.
Abdalh, "mrembo, mbona unataka
kujirusha mtoni."
mrembo akajibu, "kwasababu
wazazi wangu hawapendi mimi nivae kama mwanamke.! "Hehehe Abdalh kusikia hivyo si akajirusha mtoni.

mwalimu alikuwa clas

Siku moja mwalimu alikuwa clas anafundisha ghafla akajamba kwa aibu akaomba likizo ya miezi mitatu ili watoto wasahau, ilipo isha akarud clas kufundisha akawauliza wanafunz 2lishia wap wanafunz wakasema si pale ulipo jamba?

je wew unamjua George?

Baba alikuw amekaa sebulen mtoto wake akawa ametoka shule aka msalimia baba akamwambia mwanae unasoma kwel mwanae akamwambia ndio baba baba akamuliza 11 x 11=na ngap?mtoto akajibu 1111!baba akasema kwel mwanang hauko makin na masomo!baada ya dakik chache mtoto akamuuliza baba, je wew unamjua George? baba akamwambia simjua basi mtoto akamwambia baba yake na wewe haupo makini na mama.

Una mke?

Jamaa kakaa zaidi ya mwezi mmoja bila mashine yake kusimama ikabidi aende hospitali.
Jamaa: Dkt ninamwezi mmoja mashine haijasimama
Dkt: Una mke?
Jamaa: Hapana
Dkt: Una demu?
Jamaa: Hapana
Dkt: Unajichua au unafanya starehe yoyote kwa kutumia hii mashine?
Jamaa: Hapana
Dkt: We mpumbavu nini, sasa unataka isimame utundikie koti au? Hebu toka hapa

Mateja

mateja wanne walikuwa wamekaa wanataka wavute bangi sasa wakamtuma mwenzao akatafute kiberiti, aliyeenda kuchukua kiberiti akazunguka vichochoroni mpaka akatokezea tena pale kwa mateja wenzake,
TEJA : oya wana mnakiberiti hapo?
Mateja wa 3: kunamtu tumemtuma subiri anakuja hapa sasa hivi.
basi wakakaa kumsubiri huyo mtu .....

Baba Na Mwana

Baba; nilete soda we motto

Jost; pepsi or coka?

Baba; pepsi

Jost; ya kopo ya chupa?

Baba; ya kopo

Jost; ya baridi or yamoto?

Baba; hee! we mtoto mbna maswali mengi....basi bwana ni letee maji tu

Jost; ya hapa hom or nika nunue kwa mangi?

Baba; ya hapa hapa

Jost; ya baridi ya moto?

Baba ; ya baridi

Jost; kwenye glasi or kikombe?

Baba; ntakupiga na ufagio we motto

Jost; ufagio wa chelewa au wa mti?

Baba; nitakuuwa we motto!

Jost; utaniuwaje sasa, utanichoma kisu au utanipiga na
bastola?

Baba; ntakupiga na bastola

Jost; kichwani au tumboni?

Baba; kichwani...NIMEKWAMBIA TOKA NJE

Jost; saiv au baadae kidogo?

Baba; sasa ivi

Jost; maji hutaki?

Baba Na Mwana

Baba; nilete soda we motto

Jost; pepsi or coka?

Baba; pepsi

Jost; ya kopo ya chupa?

Baba; ya kopo

Jost; ya baridi or yamoto?

Baba; hee! we mtoto mbna maswali mengi....basi bwana ni letee maji tu

Jost; ya hapa hom or nika nunue kwa mangi?

Baba; ya hapa hapa

Jost; ya baridi ya moto?

Baba ; ya baridi

Jost; kwenye glasi or kikombe?

Baba; ntakupiga na ufagio we motto

Jost; ufagio wa chelewa au wa mti?

Baba; nitakuuwa we motto!

Jost; utaniuwaje sasa, utanichoma kisu au utanipiga na
bastola?

Baba; ntakupiga na bastola

Jost; kichwani au tumboni?

Baba; kichwani...NIMEKWAMBIA TOKA NJE

Jost; saiv au baadae kidogo?

Baba; sasa ivi

Jost; maji hutaki?

Mahakamani

hakimu:-ww mama kwani ulimpiga mmeo na kiti?
mama:-kwa sababu nilishindwa kunyanyua meza.....

Boy asked a girl in a library

A Boy asked a girl in a library; "Do you
mind if I sit
beside you". The girl answered with a loud
voice I
DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH
YOU!!!". All the students in the library started
staring at the boy and he was
embarrassed. After a couple of minutes,
the girl walked quietly to the boyy's table
and said to him "I study psychology and i
know how men think, I guess you felt embarrassed after what i did, right? The
boy with a loud voice said "1000 dollars
just for one night, that's a lot of money!!!!
While everyone in the library looked at the
girl in shock, the boyy whispered in her ears
"I study law and I know how to make someone feel guilty..

könda hakunirudishia chenchi

Daladal moja ilipat ajali maeneo ya darajan gar likaingia mton wakaj wat kuwaokoa bahat nzur kijan mmoj akaokolewa mzim akatole kweny maj baad ya dakik 5 yule kijan akapiga mbiz kweny maj wat wakamuuliz vip tena unaend wap? kijana akawambia nimekumbuka könda hakunirudishia chenchi kwa hiyo naend kumtafuta anipe chenchi yangu!

Na mimi si nitafiwa tu

Jamaa alienda kwenye msiba wahusika wakamnyima chakula wakamwambia hichi ni cha wanandugu watakula jioni, jamaa akaondoka kwa hasira huku akisema hamna shida na mimi si nitafiwa tu.

We mtumiaji wa Facebook we UNAPATA DHAMBI

• Upo kwenu tandale unakula ugali then una update status eti at sea clif having my lunch. UNAPATA DHAMBI
• Upo kitandaji hata hujala na huna uhakika wa kula, unaweka picha ya minyama na mikuku unasema karibuni. UNAPATA DHAMBI
• wewe unamiaka 20 na unadate na babu wa miaka 60 then unasema umemmis beiby wako,yule ni beby wako au babu yako. UNAPATA DHAMBI
• upo ubungo bus terminal unasema upo Mwal nyerere int airport. UNAPATA DHAMBI
• una mke na watoto Lakin bado unatongoza wanawake na umeandika upo single. UNAPATA DHAMBI
• Umekunywa maji tu alafu unatoka na stick mdomon UNAPATA DHAMBI
• Yan wewe upo feri alafu unapost status at samaki samaki, kwa kwa vile umewaona wengi hapo UNAPATA DHAMBI
• Umeacha shule darasa la pili lakini kwa profile yako umeandika umemaliza UDSM. UNAPATA DHAMBI
• We siunaitwa Chaupele Jipu! Mbona umeandika Elizabeth Prosper? UNAPATA DHAMBI