Ukoo wao

Mtoto wa miaka sita alimuuliza babake:
MTOTO: Baba, eti sisi wanadamu tulikuja vipi duniani ?
BABA: Mungu alimuumba Nabii Adam na Hawa. Kisha wao wakaanza kuzaa watoto na watoto wakazaa mpaka tukazaliwa sisi. (Mtoto hakuridhika akamfuta mamake)
MTOTO: Mma, eti sisi wanadamu tulikuja vipi duniani?
MAMA: Wanasayansi wamesema sisi tulitokana na Manyani baadae tukawa Binadamu. (Mtoto akarudi kwa baba)
MTOTO: Baa mbona mama ansema sisi tulikuwa Manyani mwanzo? Au wanidanganya?
BABA: Mwanangu, mimi nimekuelezea kuhusu ukoo wetu. Mamako amekuelezea kuhusu ukoo wao.

Familia za watu

Ati john is 10 years older than his father, his mother is 40 years old.,20 years younger than john.,find the Age of
1.john
2.father
3.mother

Hii swali nilikuwa naruka..Sio ati ujinga...ni vile tu sipendi kuingilia mambo ya familia za watu..

Kande na Parachichi

Unaenda hotelini unaona menu imeandikwa:
Sauteed white corn, rare lucy beans, garnished with rift potatoes & topped with organic unprocessed guacamole.

Price: TSH 44,000

Unaagiza! Ukiletewa ndio unagundua kwamba: Ni Kande  na parachichi.....

Inside the bank

Jost goes on the ATM and withdraw all the money from the ATM.

Then he goes inside the same bank and deposit all the money he withdrew from the ATM, telling the Teller, "my money is not safe outside in the ATM. People are just withdrawing anyhow and they might end up withdrawing what is mine. Keep my money inside the bank please."

English lesson

During an English lesson, the teacher instructed his students to write a composition.

QN: Assume you are in a war, write a story?

One student did not write any thing & kept seated. The Teacher got puzzled, walked to the student's desk & asked him why he was not doing the exercise.

The student replied,  "I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war".

Chozi la mwanamke

Usimfanye mwanamke akalia, chozi la mwanamke
ni la gharama sana. Tone moja tu la chozi lake
linatoka na:
Kwanza linachanganyika na eye liner ya 45,000,
na mascara ya 63,000 halafu likifika kwenye
mashavu inachanganyika na foundation 220,000
na poda ya 37,000, na hatimaye likigusa midomo
inachanganyikana na lipstick 79,000 na lip gloss
14,000. Chozi moja tu la mwanamke linaondoka
na sh. 458,000 So plz usimlize mwanamke.
Lakini unaweza kumliza mwanaume utaondoa tu
vaseline ya mgando ya sh 2,500.

Sunshine

BOY: You are the sunshine of my life ,,,,,,,,, without you life is cloudy ,,,,,,,,,,, you are in my heart like rain ,,,,,,,,,, water for barren land.

GIRL: Is this a proposal or a "weather report" .......?

Ajira Mpya

Mume baada yakufika nyumbani toka kazini akiwa amechoka akamkuta mke wake kanuna

Mume: Una tatizo ganii mamaa?

Mke: Mme wangu kwa kweli tokea upate hii ajira mpya nakosa amani, Nilikua nakupenda sana lakini nashindwa kuvumilia. Naomba unieleze ni nani anaitwa Alarm anapiga simu kila siku alfajiri tu na wewe unaikata haraka ili nisiskie maongezi yenu?

Sosi zako

KWENYE DALADALA SIMU YA ABIRIA INAITA.

Abiria: hellow, hellow, mke wangu...sikusikii.

(Ikabidi awake loudspeaker ya simu)

Upande Wa Pili:

Mke sasa: Sosi zako umezivulia wapi? Nyumba nzima inanuka.

Mganga wa Kienyeji

Kuna mdada nimegombana nae wiki iliyopita. Sasa kachukua namba yangu kabandika kwenye mti eti MGANGA WA KIENYEJI TOKA SUMBAWANGA. Sasa napata simu nyingi za wateja kila sekunde......

Farasi wako

Jost alikuwa amekaa zake sebuleni anasoma gazet, ghafla akapigwa kwa mwiko uson na mkewe!

JOST: Vipi tena laazizi kulikon?

MKE: kwenye surual yako wakati najiandaa kuifua nikakuta kikaratasi kimeandikwa "JENNY", unaweza ukanieleza huyo JENNY ni nani kwako?

JOST: aaah! wiki ilopita nlikuwa kweny mashndano ya farasi, na Jenny ndo jina alobandikwa faras wangu yani farasi wangu aliitwa JENNY!

MKE: samahani mme wangu!

Siku ilofuata jost akiwa ameketi kwenye kochi huku akisoma gazeti, alishtukia tena mwiko wa uso "kwaaaa, kwaaaa!"

JOST: Uwiiiiiii! jaman laazizi kulikon tena?

MKE: faras wako kapiga simu!

Sura mbaya

MGONJWA : Dokta mi nina sura mbaya sana.

DOKTA : Si kweli mi nakuona una sura nzuri tu.

MGONJWA : Lakini kila mtu ananicheka na miaka yote
wanasema mi mbaya

DOKTA : Sikiliza nakuhakikishia kuwa wewe unavutia kabisa.

MGONJWA:Dokta najua unanifurahisha tu mi najijua mi mbaya

DOKTA :Achana na maneno ya watu we mwanaume mzuri
kabisa wewe, unafaa hata kwenye matangazo ya mwanaume wa
ukweli.

MGONJWA:Dokta mi mwanamke bwana

DOKTA : UMESEMA?

nitumie pesa

Girl: Baby nitumie pesa
Boy: Ndioooo tumia zote
Girl: hujanielewa, nimesema nitumie pesa.
Boy: we ndio hujanielewa, nimekuambia we tumia tu, tumia zote.

Japanese couple

A Japanese couple argued heavily in public.
Husband: takamushi jiku.
Wife: hashi jiku mishihe.
Husband: inamoto kushini hatapi.
Wife: jejeta takuna mota shinita.
Husband: kituya sitina kutara.
Wife:saka weretuna joku.
Husband: ji taka mushi.
Wife: totori yatika muniya.
You are still reading as if you understand Japanese, be serious!!

Some marriages

Some marriages start with words like"will you marry me beb?"While others start with"beb my dad told me to go back where I slept last night"