A drunk guy was with his girlfriend in a cinema and suddenly, he fell asleep. After a while, he woke up and started screaming 'MY PENIS, MY PENIS, MYPENIS'!
All the people in the cinema were surprised at the guys behaviour.
He continued, 'Where is my penis? Someone has cut my penis and my nuts! Oh God what have I done to deserve this?' The embarrassed girlfriend said 'shut up, you idiot! Your hand is in my panty'!
tangazo one
Abidal
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Who do you like more, Mum or Dad?
DAD: Who do you like more, Mum or Dad?
John: Both.
DAD: Ok if I go to America and your mum goes to
Paris, where will you go
John: Paris
DAD: That means you like your mum more?
John: No, I like Paris.
DAD: OK, if I go to Paris and your mum goes
to America, where will you go
John: America.
DAD: [angry] Why!?
John: Because I've been to Paris before
John: Both.
DAD: Ok if I go to America and your mum goes to
Paris, where will you go
John: Paris
DAD: That means you like your mum more?
John: No, I like Paris.
DAD: OK, if I go to Paris and your mum goes
to America, where will you go
John: America.
DAD: [angry] Why!?
John: Because I've been to Paris before
WW, WA, PP & APR
A guy in a hurry used the ladies 'toilet in a posh hotel'.. He sat down and noticed four buttons -
WW, WA, PP & APR. Curious, he pressed WW &
his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER,
he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, He pressed PP & a
POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh. Feeling
pampered, he decided to press the last button
APR.
He later woke up in a hospital.
A nurse smiled & said to him, Sir, APR means
AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER.
When the machine couldn't find a pad on you,it went for your balls.
Your balls are in the jar over there!
WW, WA, PP & APR. Curious, he pressed WW &
his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER,
he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, He pressed PP & a
POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh. Feeling
pampered, he decided to press the last button
APR.
He later woke up in a hospital.
A nurse smiled & said to him, Sir, APR means
AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER.
When the machine couldn't find a pad on you,it went for your balls.
Your balls are in the jar over there!
My wife is having a heart attack
John gets home early
from
work and hears strange
noises
coming from the
bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find
his wife
naked on the bed,
sweating and
panting. "What's up?" he
says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries
the woman.
He rushes downstairs
to grab the
phone for ambulance,
but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-
old son
comes up and says,
"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Fred is hiding in
your closet and he's got no
clothes on!"
John slams the phone
down
and storms upstairs
into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife, and rips
open the
wardrobe door. Sure
enough,
there is his brother, totally
naked,
covering on the closet
floor.
"You idiot!" John says,
"My wife is having a heart attack and
you're running around
naked
scaring the kids.....
from
work and hears strange
noises
coming from the
bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find
his wife
naked on the bed,
sweating and
panting. "What's up?" he
says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries
the woman.
He rushes downstairs
to grab the
phone for ambulance,
but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-
old son
comes up and says,
"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Fred is hiding in
your closet and he's got no
clothes on!"
John slams the phone
down
and storms upstairs
into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife, and rips
open the
wardrobe door. Sure
enough,
there is his brother, totally
naked,
covering on the closet
floor.
"You idiot!" John says,
"My wife is having a heart attack and
you're running around
naked
scaring the kids.....
Chinese man
A Chinese man took a prostitute
to his home and they started
having sex.
Once he was done,he jumped
out of the bed,
ran to the
window,took a deep breath
then went under the bed and
came out through the other side
and started having sex with the girl again.
When he finished the 2nd
time,he jumped off the bed
went to the window,took a deep breath,went under the
bed and came out from the other side then started having sex again..
He did these until the 8ths time. The girl was real impressed by
his stamina.
After the 10ths round she decided to try it for herself.
So she jumped off the bed,went
to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed and
saw 10 more chinese men naked.
to his home and they started
having sex.
Once he was done,he jumped
out of the bed,
ran to the
window,took a deep breath
then went under the bed and
came out through the other side
and started having sex with the girl again.
When he finished the 2nd
time,he jumped off the bed
went to the window,took a deep breath,went under the
bed and came out from the other side then started having sex again..
He did these until the 8ths time. The girl was real impressed by
his stamina.
After the 10ths round she decided to try it for herself.
So she jumped off the bed,went
to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed and
saw 10 more chinese men naked.
Did you see anything under the table that you liked?
Two couples were playing cards. John
accidentally dropped some cards on The floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing
any underwear! He was Shocked by this, John
hit His head on the table and emerged red-
faced. Later when John went to the kitchen to
get some refreshments'' Bill's wife followed him
and asked, "Did you see anything under the
table that you liked? John admitted that, well,
yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will
cost you $50. " After a minute or, two,
John indicates that he is interested. She tells
him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and
John doesn't, John should come to her house
around 2:00 PM on Friday; So John did went to
her house at 2:00PM. After paying her the $50
they went to the bedroom, had sex for about
Two hours, and then John left. Bill came home
about 6:00PM, and asked his wife,"Did John
come by this afternoon?" ''Shocked, she
replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few
minutes."Next Bill asked, "Did John give you
$50?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!'Reluctan tly
she says,"Yes, he did give me $50." "Good,"Bill
says. "John came by the office this morning and
borrowed the $50 from me and said he'd stop
by our house on his way home and pay me back.
"It's good to have a friend you can
trust"...
accidentally dropped some cards on The floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing
any underwear! He was Shocked by this, John
hit His head on the table and emerged red-
faced. Later when John went to the kitchen to
get some refreshments'' Bill's wife followed him
and asked, "Did you see anything under the
table that you liked? John admitted that, well,
yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will
cost you $50. " After a minute or, two,
John indicates that he is interested. She tells
him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and
John doesn't, John should come to her house
around 2:00 PM on Friday; So John did went to
her house at 2:00PM. After paying her the $50
they went to the bedroom, had sex for about
Two hours, and then John left. Bill came home
about 6:00PM, and asked his wife,"Did John
come by this afternoon?" ''Shocked, she
replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few
minutes."Next Bill asked, "Did John give you
$50?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!'Reluctan tly
she says,"Yes, he did give me $50." "Good,"Bill
says. "John came by the office this morning and
borrowed the $50 from me and said he'd stop
by our house on his way home and pay me back.
"It's good to have a friend you can
trust"...
"Like" button
I think am seriously addicted
---Today I was reading the
newspaper and found myself
looking for the "Like" button
---Today I was reading the
newspaper and found myself
looking for the "Like" button
the whole town is in trouble
A boy called up his mom
"mom, i have AIDS"
Mom "what? don't come back
home son, go away"
Boy "why mom, i'm your son"
Mom "you foolish boy!
If you come back home, then
your wife will be
infected,from your wife to
your brother,
from your brother to our
maid, from our maid to your dad,
from your dad to my sister,
from my sister to her husband,
from her husband to me,
from me to our gardener,
from our gardener to your sister...
And if your sister got it, then
the whole town is in trouble........ .
"mom, i have AIDS"
Mom "what? don't come back
home son, go away"
Boy "why mom, i'm your son"
Mom "you foolish boy!
If you come back home, then
your wife will be
infected,from your wife to
your brother,
from your brother to our
maid, from our maid to your dad,
from your dad to my sister,
from my sister to her husband,
from her husband to me,
from me to our gardener,
from our gardener to your sister...
And if your sister got it, then
the whole town is in trouble........ .
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