Jamaa mmoja wa kipemba ambaye alikuwa hajawahi kupanda gari hata siku moja, alikuwa anasafiri kwa kutumia basi na kuamua kukaa kiti cha mbele kabisa karibu na dereva. kwa bahati mbaya dereva akasababisha ajali akafikishwa mahakamani, shahidi akawa mpemba.
Mpemba alianza kwa kusema; "tangu safari yaanza nkajua kuwa huyu si dereva. maana kunalijiti akikazana kuling'oaa (wakati dereva akiingiza gia) halafu akawa hatuliz nkono ikintetema saa zote (akizungusha usukani) njiani ni mbio tu kwa kufukuzana na miti, miti yenda na sie twenda. niliposikia puu nkajua tayari ivooo, miti ishatugonga au sie tushaigonga.
tangazo one
Abidal
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
sumu ya kumuua mtoto
Baba Ally aliona mkewe amepunguza mapenzi kwake, na ni baada ya mke wake kujifungua mtoto. basi akamua kutafuta sumu ya kumuua mtoto. Akaamka mapema akampaka mkewe sumu kwenye maziwa ili mtoto akinyonya afe. akaondoka zake kwenda kazini, aliporudi akakuta houseboy kafa.
CHINESE PRODUCTS
A Tanzania girl got married to a chinese, she become pregnant and got a baby who died some days later. the girl was quoted crying "I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT ..." everyone was curious 2 know what she knew, finally she said. "I KNEW CHINESE PRODUCTS DO NOT LAST LONGER."
your monkey
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “There’s no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Baby Names
Posted in Funny Kids Jokes
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?”
The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”
The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied,
“Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.”
The last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.”
The mother replied, “Please be quiet, Refrigerator.”
What do I do if she’s ugly?
Matthew sets up Andrew to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Andrew is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andrew, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry.” Matthew says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Andrew knocks at the girl’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Andrew’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
Women are Better than Men!
What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man? You can enjoy all but the head.
What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man? They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this.
What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man? They both get hot in 15 seconds.
Why can’t a man be both good looking and intelligent? Because that would make him a woman.
Why is a man’s brain the size of a peanut? Because it is swollen.
Why are batteries better than men? Batteries have at least one positive end.
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask directions.
Dating a Prostitute Joke
A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover’s Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ”I have to be honest with you, I’m a prostitute .” The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it’s okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.
After they finish, the guy says, ”I have to be honest with you now. I’m a cab driver and it’ll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.”
unless I see your ......
MAN: I’d like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He’s at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I’m sorry; I can’t sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I’d like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well… where is he?
MAN: He’s at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can’t sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What’s in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm… It’s warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.
Three Pints of Guinness Joke
A man walks into a pub and says, “Give me three pints of Guinness, please.”
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we’re drinking together.”
The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”
The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine – I just quit drinking.”
Coco beach in Dar es salaam
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on Coco beach in Dar es salaam. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years… chatting, and enjoying each other’s friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, “Please don”t be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.”
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, “How soon do you have to know?”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)