Konda na Visoda.

konda wa daladala alikuwa hana tiketi ili asije kusumbuana na abiria wake akawa anagawa visoda badala ya tiketi.

Confession

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"

In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

Three gay men died

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

What's it's Name?

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."

The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"

The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."

The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"

The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"

kwenye ATM

Mwanaume na ATM.
1. Atatoa kadi ya ATM.
2. Ataichomeka.
3. Ataingiza namba ya siri.
4. Atachukua pesa, card na risiti.

Mwanamke na ATM.
1. Ataitoa kadi ya ATM.
2. Atajichek kwenye kioo cha makeup.
3. Atazima gari.
4. Ataweka funguo kwenye pochi.
5. Ataitafuta ATM kadi kwenye pochi.
6. Atachomeka kadi.
7. Atatafuta kikaratasi chenye namba za siri.
8. Atasoma maelekezo kwa dk.2.
9. Atabonyeza CANCEL.
10. Ataingiza namba ya siri upya.
11. Ataangalia balance.
12. Atatafuta kibahasha.
13. Atatafuta peni kwenye pochi.
14. Atatoa hela.
15. Atarudi kwenye gari.
16. Atajiangalia makeup tena.
17. Atatafuta ufunguo kwenye pochi.
18. Atawasha gari.
19. Atarudi tena kwenye ATM.
20. Ataenda chukua kadi na risiti.
21. Ataweka kwenye walet.
22. Atajiangalia makeup tena.
23. Ataondoka mwende kidogo ndio atatoa handbreak.

Mswaki

Siku moja mwanafunzi mmoja katika hostel fulani walikuwa wanashea friji. Ikawa kila akiweka maji ya kunywa anakuta wamekunywa. Akabuni lake siku nyingine akaweka maji yake kama kawaida yake na akatumbukizia mswaki ndani yake ili mwizi wa maji yake ashindwe kunywa. Baadae jioni aliporudi akakuta mswaki wa pili ndani yake.

Mchina na omba-omba

Ombaomba mmoja alipewa noti ya shilingi elfu kumi na mchina, ombaomba yule akaikataa ile elfu kumi ombaomba mwenzake akamuuliza:

Ombaomba: We mbona umeikataa ile noti?
Mwenzake akamjibu kwa kujiamini.
''aa! Hawaaminiki hawa, kama feki je?'

Mchina na omba-omba

Ombaomba mmoja alipewa noti ya shilingi elfu kumi na mchina, ombaomba yule akaikataa ile elfu kumi ombaomba mwenzake akamuuliza:

Ombaomba: We mbona umeikataa ile noti?
Mwenzake akamjibu kwa kujiamini.
''aa! Hawaaminiki hawa, kama feki je?'

Mchina na omba-omba

Ombaomba mmoja alipewa noti ya shilingi elfu kumi na mchina, ombaomba yule akaikataa ile elfu kumi ombaomba mwenzake akamuuliza:

Ombaomba: We mbona umeikataa ile noti?
Mwenzake akamjibu kwa kujiamini.
''aa! Hawaaminiki hawa, kama feki je?'

kipimo Kabla ya ndoa

Kaka mmoja kabla hajaoa dada wa mchumba wake alimuita kwenye maongezi kwa wake zake. Alipofika akamkuta shemeji yake peke yake (dada).

Yule dada akamwambia anaomba afanye nae mapenzi kabla hajamuoa dada ake na kumuambia amfute chumbani jamaa amfuate nyuma.

Jamaa akafikiria kwa muda na kuamua kwenda nje. Huko akakutana na wazazi wakwe wakamwambia 'wow umefaulu kishawishi, karibu kwenye familia yetu'

Jamaa akajibu  nilikuwa nimesahau condom kwenye gari, ndio nazifuata.