Mental Problem!

John interview
OFFICER:- what is your name?
John:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- tell me properly!
John:- Michael Peter sir
OFFICER:- your father's name?
John:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
John:- Moses Peter sir
OFFICER:- your native place?
John: M.P sir
OFFICER:- is it Makurdi Purum?
John:- No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER:- what is your
qualification?
John:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- (angry) what is it?!
John:- Merit Pass
OFFICER:- so why do you need a
job?
John:- M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
John:- Money Problem sir
OFFICER:- what is your
personality?
John:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- would you explain
urself and stop wasting my time?
John:- Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back
to you.
John:- sir, how's my M.P?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
John:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- M.P !
John:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!

DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT!

Kilaza gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father for some tips on what to do (because he has never been with a woman before).

Kilaza: so what do i do first?
KILAZA' FATHER: take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.

Two minutes later Kilaza on the phone again "she is naked and in bed, what do I do now?" His father can't believe what he is hearing.

KIlaza' FATHER: take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her

After another two minutes poor Kilaza is on the phone again.

KIlaza: dad I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, "shit son, do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees Good night!" Just when the old man starts snoring, Akpos is on the phone again.

KIlaza: ok dad, i have my head in the toilet bowl what do i do next?
Kilaza' FATHER: DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT!

I am writing a letter

TEACHER: What are you doing?
Jost: I am writing a letter.
TEACHER: To who?
Jost: To myself. 
Jost: What's inside the letter.
Jost: How am I supposed to know, I haven't received it yet!

ARE U FEELING BORED?

ARE U FEELING BORED?
AND U ARE WONDERING WHAT TO DO?
It's simple.. (Follow these steps)
1. Open ur zip
2. Insert ur hand
3. Slowly take out your
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Pen & Paper from ur bag and write:
"I love you DAD and MUM" 10000 times!!

can you see bacteria without microscope?

TEACHER: Draw a diagram of bacteria. 
[Few minutes later]
Jost: Here it is sir. 
TEACHER: Where? You haven't drawn anything
Jost: Sir, can you see bacteria without microscope?

REPRODUCTION

SCIENCE TEACHER: OUR
TOPIC TODAY IS
REPRODUCTION!
CLASS: YES SIR!
TEACHER: SO WHAT IS
REPRODUCTION?
Jost: It's TODAY'S
TOPIC!

U buy a car for your girl

U buy a car for your girl,
Another guy pays 4 d fuel for her;
that is Division of labour.
U buy her clothes & anoda
removes them;
that is Separation of powers.
U pay 4 her school fees & anoda guy
pays 4 her house rent;dat is
Combined business.
She tells u that she is not ready 2
make luv, while anoda guy sleeps
with her always;what is that
called?
( A) Breach of contract.
( B) Scale of preference
( C)opportunity cost
Start work...............